This past weekend, I've went through a lot. My emotions have been completely drained. I cried more in 5 hours than I have in years. My heart felt as if it had been thrown out and trampled on. I felt lost and alone.
It's not a good place to be.
The worst part is that I completely neglected God.
It's almost like I could hear Him saying, "Fall on me. I'm here for you." But I pushed away, and tried to deal with things on my own.
The reason for all of this distress? Another human being. I let someone else take hold of my emotions and use them against me. This person knows that they get under my skin, because they know me better than anyone else on earth. I don't think it's fair that someone should be allowed to hurt you like that, but it's life. It's going to happen.
People are always going to use us, misuse us, mistreat us, deceive us, manipulate us, break us, and hurt us. At times, we let those things try and define who we are. But God has called us to be something else. Something greater. He has called us to Him. He has called us His own.
He wants us to come to Him in our times of need. He wants us to fall before Him, broken.
This is my favorite Bible verse. I've used it before, and every time it applies, I will continue to use it. It proves Christ's love for me, and lets me know that He is always going to be with me:
Matthew 11:28-30 -- Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light."
This man, who gave up His life for me, wants me to know that He is greater than anything I will ever endure on earth.
Yes, my heart will be broken. Yes, I will feel rejected and neglected by other people. But NEVER will I have to fear being forsaken by my Savior.
I have a friend who shared a Bible verse with me this morning, and it really helped me out, so I thought that I would share it with you guys.
Psalm 42:5-6 -- Why are you downcast, O my soul? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise him, my Savior and my God. My soul is downcast within me; therefore I will remember you from the land of the Jordan, the heights of Hermon—from Mount Mizar.
This past weekend has taken its toll on me, but it has awakened me to a simple fact: People will fail. Friendships will fail. Human promises will fail. But God, He will never fail.
I now know that I can't survive through this life without God. Trying to push Him away was the worst possible thing that I could have done, and because of it, I had to suffer through emotions that have been foreign to me since God has been at the forefront of my life. God isn't going to make us run to Him; He wants us to, but we are never forced to. So because I chose to rely on myself, I was subject to experience humanity and its burdens.
My advice to you? ALWAYS fall of God. Don't ever trust yourself enough to think that you can get through this life alone.
Put your hope in God, for He is God.