{fire in my bones}

With the new year upon us, this is my new year's resolution:

That I become weary with holding in the name of my God; that I would feel an all-consuming fire within my bones at the thought of not being able to proclaim the truth that God has revealed to me; that I would be passionate about seeing the work of Christ here, in my life and in my home and in my city and in my state and in my country and in my world; that my heart would be burdened by the things that burdens the heart of my Lord; that I would meditate on His Word, day and night; that my life would be a place in which God's glory is displayed, for His glory alone.

As a student at a Christian university, I've had the opportunity to read large portions of the Bible, take classes where I learn (in-depth) what it means, learn from prominent scholars in the field, and worship with other students at Chapel.

I've been blessed, to say the least.

But my heart longs for so much more.

One of the major prophets of the Old Testament, Jeremiah, was ridiculed by his people for His trust in God. Yet He remained steadfast. He understood that God had given him a job to do: to warn the people of Israel that if their hearts remained hardened against YHWH, that they would be handed over to their enemies, that they would enter exile.

This is his response:

    If I say, “I will not mention him,
        or speak any more in his name,”
    there is in my heart as it were a burning fire
        shut up in my bones,
    and I am weary with holding it in,
        and I cannot.

(Jeremiah 20:9 ESV)

Have you ever had something so powerful, so empowering to tell that you would tell anyone who would listen? Something that you would gladly hand over your life for, so that the secret didn't die with you?

This was Jeremiah.

His resolve came with waiting upon the Lord, trusting in who He was and who He is - filled with His spirit to go forth and do the things that God had called him to.

This has become my prayer. To have such a fire within my bones, a fervent desire to see the Kingdom of God come to earth, to see His glory displayed here, that I literally become weary from holding it in..so that I cannot.

xo, Aysha

{i will wait upon You, Lord}

Isaiah 40:31 -- But they who wait for the LORD shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles; they shall run and not be weary; they shall walk and not faint.

Property of Aysha Gerald

This morning, I woke up and turned on the Christian radio station, K-Love. I got online and stumbled upon their Encouraging Word of the Day: this verse from Isaiah. Soon, a song by Lincoln Brewster, "Everlasting God" came on, speaking of this same truth from Scripture.

As I was thinking about the title of this post, the words I will wait upon You, Lord, came to mind.

Last night I had a breakdown of sorts. My life has been lived with God at the forefront of my mind, but He wasn't receiving the attention that He rightly deserved. I remembered to honor Him when it was convenient for me, but much of the time I tried walking my own path. I understood what God expected of me, but I thought that I had the power to direct my own steps.

Let me tell you, it's exhausting. It is almost as if I could feel the strength that I did have, slipping away. Because of this, my relationship with God faltered. I stopped praying. I stopped reading my Bible. I became a Christian without Christ, without allowing God to truly work in me and through me. I was much too busy to take a break, re-evaluate my life.

And then last night came. There were tears and pleas for forgiveness. There was such a broken, raw and honest interaction with God.

I've heard it said that sometimes He breaks us down to our lowest so that He can build us back up. That has never been more true in my life.

Psalm 62:5 -- For God alone, O my soul, wait in silence, for my hope is from Him.

I want to be in a place where I can say: It is well with my soul. A place where I understand that every burden and worry has been lifted from me, as Christ says, "Here, let me carry that for you." A place where I can sit in the presence of God and feel more alive than ever, simply by listening to Him, rather than speaking at Him. A place where I hear the voice of God whispering, "Seek Me for the strength that you desire. It is only in Me that you will find rest. Rest in Me and I will give you strength."

Strength is found in waiting.

I will wait upon You, Lord.

Blessings,

This post can be found at:

What Life is Calling You?

I'm starting this post with a lyric to a song.

I've heard it said today
Is all we're given
Tomorrow may not come
So you better start living
I guess it all depends
On your point of view.

Pardon me if I
Just don't listen
To everything the world
Says I'm missing
There's nothing here and now
I'm gonna hold on to.

How many times have you heard someone tell you that? If you're not living in the 'here and now' or if you're not living 'for the moment,' then you're not really living...right?

Wrong.

1 John 2:15-17 -- Do not love this world nor the things it offers you, for when you love the world, you do not have the love of the Father in you. For the world offers only a craving for physical pleasure, a craving for everything we see, and pride in our achievements and possessions. These are not from the Father, but are from this world. And this world is fading away, along with everything that people crave. But anyone who does what pleases God will live forever.

The world tries to drag us down. It tries to tell us that we need to indulge in acts of the flesh to really be alive (money, sex, fun, slander, etc). But how can we be any more alive than with life Himself in us?

Galatians 2:20 says that "My old self has been crucified with Christ. It is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me. So I live in this earthly body by trusting in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me."

If you think about it in the literal sense, we are basically being told to die to ourselves. As Christians, we should be dead to ourselves, and Christ should be living within us. Our old, human, earthly desires should be gone.

Easier said than done right? Yes, because we are human. But that doesn't mean that we aren't supposed to try; to cling to God, and to call out to Him when we've become broken and weary. When we feel burdened by this life, we aren't supposed to give in; we are supposed to fight that much harder.

John 15:18,19 -- If the world hates you, remember that it hated me first. The world would love you as one of its own if you belonged to it, but you are no longer part of the world. I chose you to come out of the world, so it hates you.

Another part of that song says this: If home is where the heart is then I’m in Heaven.

I don't know about you, but that's what I'm waiting on.

Philippians 3:20 says it the best: But we are citizens of heaven, where the Lord Jesus Christ lives. And we are eagerly waiting for him to return as our Savior.

We aren't citizens of this earth, no matter what a mortal man tells us. We are citizens of heaven. So shouldn't we be acting like it?

Romans 12:2 -- Don’t copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Then you will learn to know God’s will for you, which is good and pleasing and perfect.

If we were of this world, I could understand acting like every other person that walks by us on the street. But think of it this way: We have been chosen, by God, to complete a task; to spread the Good News about His Son. And to do this task, we need to walk with His light. But we can't put that light on until we've stripped away every part of this world.

1 Peter 2:9 -- But you are not like that, for you are a chosen people. You are royal priests, a holy nation, God’s very own possession. As a result, you can show others the goodness of God, for he called you out of the darkness into his wonderful light.

Or how about what it says in Romans?

Romans 8:16-19 -- For his Spirit joins with our spirit to affirm that we are God’s children. And since we are his children, we are his heirs. In fact, together with Christ we are heirs of God’s glory. But if we are to share his glory, we must also share his suffering. Yet what we suffer now is nothing compared to the glory he will reveal to us later. For all creation is waiting eagerly for that future day when God will reveal who his children really are.

The way that I see it is that I don't have a life outside of Jesus. I have no desire to live a life outside of Him. Sure, I stumble and fall more times than I can count, but I get back up, dust myself off and keep pushing forward. Knowing that I have the spirit of God within me gives me more joy than any human or worldly possession can give. I've found my life, living for Christ, and it's the most worthwhile choice that I've ever made. No life that I could make for myself on this earth could ever compare to the life that I've received through the sacrifice of my Jesus. I'd rather be hated by man, than separated from Him for eternity. I've been separated from Him long enough.

Matthew 10:39 -- If you cling to your life, you will lose it; but if you give up your life for me, you will find it.

So the question is, are you going to live through the world? Or are you going to let Jesus Christ live through you?

He lets you make the choice.

Choose wisely.

Blessings,

A.