Making A Difference

Two days ago, on the 24th, it was my 21st birthday. While most people would be concerned with getting their new license at the DMV or trying to decide what their first legal alcoholic beverage was going to be, I spent my day making the conscious decision to be appreciative and thankful to my family members. Throughout the years, they have put up with a lot from me. I’ve been the cause of anger and tears, sometimes intentional, some just bad programming within myself. I was always the person that knew how to push buttons, and boy did I. Most of the things that I have, came at a price to my mother, but she never complained. My grandmother taps into reserved money so that she can see the way her money is spent, on things that I am passionate about. My grandfather spends the small amounts of money that he has, wishing and hoping for a better life on my sister and I.

I’ve taken so much of my life for granted. I haven’t been appreciative, when all they hoped for was a thank you. Most of the time, I felt that I was owed something, when the opposite was true. I was given anything that I asked for, but it still wasn’t enough. And on top of that, I treated them cruelly.

But yesterday was different. I woke up with a new sense of life. I felt like God was telling me, ‘Everything is going to be different from now on.’

This year, it’s not going to be about me, because it never has been, no matter how much I believed that at one time. My life has always been part of God’s greater plan, and although I didn’t always understand what that meant, I now realize something: I’ve done a lot of talking the talk, but I wasn’t very good at walking the walk. I talked about how important it was to be saved by Christ so that we could have a relationship with God, but my actions never really mirrored that. I talked about how love was the greatest thing we could do, and that we should be kind and compassionate, but in that same breath, I could tear someone down. Looking back on the person that I was, I’m ashamed. I know that I can’t do anything to change the past, but I can make a difference in the lives of people from here on out. Whether that is being kind and showing mercy to the people in my family, or hearing out a friend who had a bad day, things can be different. It’s not always about the big things that we do; sometimes it’s the small, seemingly inconsequential things that mean the most. It’s not always about saying something to someone, sometimes it’s the things that we don’t say; it’s our actions that speak out.

Francis of Assisi said:

Preach the Gospel at all times and when necessary use words.

For years, I never knew what that meant, but I finally understand. Everything that we do should be testifying the name of Christ and it’s not always about the words that we use. Anyone can stand up in front of a crowd and tell them about Jesus, but not many people preach the gospel within their daily lives. If nothing else, I think this is one of the most important things that we need to understand. Jesus didn’t preach and command everywhere He went. It was through His actions that He proved the love of His Father in heaven. This is what we should mirror. Using words, only when they are necessary.

Every day this year, I’m setting a challenge for myself. Each day on the sidebar (to the right), I will post what I’m challenging myself to do, whether it be a word of encouragement to someone, or giving a hug when it’s needed. If you’re interested in seeing what I’m up to, check it out. Everything that I do, I pray will be guided by the hand of God, so that people will see His light shining through me.

It’s important for me to make a difference in someone’s life, not only to discipline myself to be like Christ, but also for the benefit of those around me. Everyone needs a helping hand or a shoulder to cry on, and in being that person, the door is opened for Christ to enter in. We are called to be His hands and feet, and I want nothing more than to be His humbled servant.

As I make this commitment to live completely in the light of the Lord, I pray that my family will understand how much I love them. All those years of anger and hatred have now come to me at a price; I can’t take them back. I pray that through my actions, they will know that I appreciate them, more than they know. I know that everyone’s life has rough patches, but I’m blessed more than I could ever make known. I thank God for my family, and for the opportunity to be a part of their lives and stories. They have sacrificed so much for my sister and I, and it hurts me to know how badly I’ve hurt them in the past. They are such beautiful people, and I love them more than words can ever say; so now I will show them.

Jesus Christ made the biggest difference this world has ever, or will ever know; I want to make a difference, for Him.

Blessings,

A.

What Life is Calling You?

I'm starting this post with a lyric to a song.

I've heard it said today
Is all we're given
Tomorrow may not come
So you better start living
I guess it all depends
On your point of view.

Pardon me if I
Just don't listen
To everything the world
Says I'm missing
There's nothing here and now
I'm gonna hold on to.

How many times have you heard someone tell you that? If you're not living in the 'here and now' or if you're not living 'for the moment,' then you're not really living...right?

Wrong.

1 John 2:15-17 -- Do not love this world nor the things it offers you, for when you love the world, you do not have the love of the Father in you. For the world offers only a craving for physical pleasure, a craving for everything we see, and pride in our achievements and possessions. These are not from the Father, but are from this world. And this world is fading away, along with everything that people crave. But anyone who does what pleases God will live forever.

The world tries to drag us down. It tries to tell us that we need to indulge in acts of the flesh to really be alive (money, sex, fun, slander, etc). But how can we be any more alive than with life Himself in us?

Galatians 2:20 says that "My old self has been crucified with Christ. It is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me. So I live in this earthly body by trusting in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me."

If you think about it in the literal sense, we are basically being told to die to ourselves. As Christians, we should be dead to ourselves, and Christ should be living within us. Our old, human, earthly desires should be gone.

Easier said than done right? Yes, because we are human. But that doesn't mean that we aren't supposed to try; to cling to God, and to call out to Him when we've become broken and weary. When we feel burdened by this life, we aren't supposed to give in; we are supposed to fight that much harder.

John 15:18,19 -- If the world hates you, remember that it hated me first. The world would love you as one of its own if you belonged to it, but you are no longer part of the world. I chose you to come out of the world, so it hates you.

Another part of that song says this: If home is where the heart is then I’m in Heaven.

I don't know about you, but that's what I'm waiting on.

Philippians 3:20 says it the best: But we are citizens of heaven, where the Lord Jesus Christ lives. And we are eagerly waiting for him to return as our Savior.

We aren't citizens of this earth, no matter what a mortal man tells us. We are citizens of heaven. So shouldn't we be acting like it?

Romans 12:2 -- Don’t copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Then you will learn to know God’s will for you, which is good and pleasing and perfect.

If we were of this world, I could understand acting like every other person that walks by us on the street. But think of it this way: We have been chosen, by God, to complete a task; to spread the Good News about His Son. And to do this task, we need to walk with His light. But we can't put that light on until we've stripped away every part of this world.

1 Peter 2:9 -- But you are not like that, for you are a chosen people. You are royal priests, a holy nation, God’s very own possession. As a result, you can show others the goodness of God, for he called you out of the darkness into his wonderful light.

Or how about what it says in Romans?

Romans 8:16-19 -- For his Spirit joins with our spirit to affirm that we are God’s children. And since we are his children, we are his heirs. In fact, together with Christ we are heirs of God’s glory. But if we are to share his glory, we must also share his suffering. Yet what we suffer now is nothing compared to the glory he will reveal to us later. For all creation is waiting eagerly for that future day when God will reveal who his children really are.

The way that I see it is that I don't have a life outside of Jesus. I have no desire to live a life outside of Him. Sure, I stumble and fall more times than I can count, but I get back up, dust myself off and keep pushing forward. Knowing that I have the spirit of God within me gives me more joy than any human or worldly possession can give. I've found my life, living for Christ, and it's the most worthwhile choice that I've ever made. No life that I could make for myself on this earth could ever compare to the life that I've received through the sacrifice of my Jesus. I'd rather be hated by man, than separated from Him for eternity. I've been separated from Him long enough.

Matthew 10:39 -- If you cling to your life, you will lose it; but if you give up your life for me, you will find it.

So the question is, are you going to live through the world? Or are you going to let Jesus Christ live through you?

He lets you make the choice.

Choose wisely.

Blessings,

A.

Behind Closed Doors

Psalm 51:17 -- The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit; a broken and contrite heart, O God, you will not despise.

I've been struggling.

I feel like I've been talking (or writing) a lot, but in the depths of my heart, I feel myself drowning.

I read my posts. I re-read them. I find myself talking about things that are relevant, but once they become days old, I forget about the message that God has laid on my heart. I've always hoped that by writing, I'm touching someone's life, but I think I need to reevaluate my own life before trying to help others.

My walk with Christ is a daily struggle. He never promised that my life on earth would be easy. And believe me, it's not. But after thinking about it, I don't want it to be. What kind of life would that be, to have everything handed to me? There would be nothing to fight for. Nothing to have a passion for. And in these past few days, in the quiet of my heart, this revelation has come to me: I WANT to fight for Jesus. I WANT Jesus to be my passion. But more than those 'wants,' I NEED to fight for Jesus. I NEED Jesus to be my passion. I need to be so lost in Him that the world fades away, and He becomes my focus.

It's easy to 'put on a show,' so to speak. Read bits of the Bible. Pray when it's convenient. Go to church on Sundays. But once those 5 minutes, or that hour and a half is finished, life comes back into the picture.

I fight with my family. I use anger as my emotional outlet. I am easily irritated and annoyed. I look at people with scorn and disdain. This disease? Humanity. I've tried running from it. I've tricked myself into believing that I can escape the world, by labeling myself as a follower of Christ. But reality is that as long as I'm living, I will struggle.

I can recite Scripture, and teach people about the beauty inside of the Bible, but if I'm not living it behind closed doors, I've become nothing more than a hypocrite, a lukewarm follower of Christ.

That's not to say that I won't face problems, because as I said before, taking up my cross every day and dying to myself, is a daily struggle itself, but what I choose to do with those problems is what I need to look at.

I've made a small list of things that I need to improve on. I would greatly appreciate prayer from you guys, as I continue to pray for you as well.

1. I need to give more of my time to God. It is after all, His. When I wake up in the morning, I need to start my day by entering into His presence, asking Him to prepare my heart for the things that I will encounter, as well as ask Him to guide me throughout the day. I need to pray for strength and courage to be all that He asks of me. But more than all that, I need to sit in His presence, and listen. It's easy to pray for things that I want or need, but I rarely ever sit there and just listen to what He has to say.

2. I want my life behind closed doors, to be the life that Christ asks of me. I feel that what I portray isn't always how I am 'behind the scenes,' and I want my life to be transparent. I want people to see me exactly the way that I am at home. This means that I need to improve on different areas of my relationships with my family members, and friends as well. I don't want things to be hidden, because the things that I hide in my heart, are things that I'm ashamed of. I want people to see the real me, and through that, see Christ living through me. If I was living the life that Christ has laid out for me, I wouldn't need to feel shame and guilt.

3. I need to remember to love everyone. Love conquers all, and I really need to remember that. I do things out of fear. Fear of rejection, fear of failure, fear of loss, fear of disappointment and so much more. I have learned to guard my heart against people, so that I don't get hurt, but in doing so, I push them away and give myself reasons not to love them. Instead, I judge them, when Christ says to love. I think it's easy to point out other people's flaws and judge their actions as worse than my own, and in doing so, I am unconsciously attempting to exalt myself. If I'm not the one drinking, smoking, doing drugs or having sex, then it's easy to trick myself into thinking that my sins aren't as bad. But the fact is, sins are weighed the same. In judging others, I have no room to show them love. I critique, criticize, belittle, slander and down people; not out of my own selfish amusement, but because I want to see people succeed in their relationship with Jesus, so I try and correct them. The problem is, when I do that with judgment, I'm not honoring Christ, and therefore digging myself into a bigger hole. Pray that the love of Jesus would replace my fears and judgment.

John 13:34-35 -- A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. By this all men will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.

I need improvement.
I don't want to be a hypocrite.
I want people to see Jesus in every area of my life.
I want my life behind closed doors, to be the life that I live in the world.
I don't want to be ashamed of Christ out in the streets.
I want to be an encouragement to people.
I can't tell people to live a certain way, if I, myself, am not doing the same.
I need to remember not to judge people, for the standard that I use to judge will be used against me.

Most of all, I need to remember to love. Love everyone. Those who love me. Those who hate me. Those who hurt me. Those I have never met. And those who don't want to know me.

If I use love as my main source of energy, rather than anger, resentment, hate, irritation and annoyance, then the life that I put on display (through this blog, Facebook, Bible study, etc.) can be the life that I live behind closed doors.

Father God,

I come to you as a broken spirit; humbled and in need of you. My life has become a routine, a mask to cover up my past regrets. I've tried so hard to make myself believe that what I show on the outside is good enough. But Lord, my heart is burdened. I feel as though my prayers have become nothing more than the desires of my own heart, rather than an honest cry to you. Change my heart Father. Let the life that people perceive of me, be the life that my heart lives. I want to be transparent; allowing people to see that I have nothing to hide. Let my life behind closed doors become the life that I so desperately want to live. Break me, Lord, into the person that you want me to be, inside and out. Mold me and use me for your purpose. Father, give the me strength to love. You say that love conquers all, and I believe that. Thank you for the sacrifice of your Son, who showed the greatest act of love ever known. Help me to walk in your light, and be a light to others.

These things I ask, in Jesus' name,

Amen.

Blessings,

A.