{fire in my bones}

With the new year upon us, this is my new year's resolution:

That I become weary with holding in the name of my God; that I would feel an all-consuming fire within my bones at the thought of not being able to proclaim the truth that God has revealed to me; that I would be passionate about seeing the work of Christ here, in my life and in my home and in my city and in my state and in my country and in my world; that my heart would be burdened by the things that burdens the heart of my Lord; that I would meditate on His Word, day and night; that my life would be a place in which God's glory is displayed, for His glory alone.

As a student at a Christian university, I've had the opportunity to read large portions of the Bible, take classes where I learn (in-depth) what it means, learn from prominent scholars in the field, and worship with other students at Chapel.

I've been blessed, to say the least.

But my heart longs for so much more.

One of the major prophets of the Old Testament, Jeremiah, was ridiculed by his people for His trust in God. Yet He remained steadfast. He understood that God had given him a job to do: to warn the people of Israel that if their hearts remained hardened against YHWH, that they would be handed over to their enemies, that they would enter exile.

This is his response:

    If I say, “I will not mention him,
        or speak any more in his name,”
    there is in my heart as it were a burning fire
        shut up in my bones,
    and I am weary with holding it in,
        and I cannot.

(Jeremiah 20:9 ESV)

Have you ever had something so powerful, so empowering to tell that you would tell anyone who would listen? Something that you would gladly hand over your life for, so that the secret didn't die with you?

This was Jeremiah.

His resolve came with waiting upon the Lord, trusting in who He was and who He is - filled with His spirit to go forth and do the things that God had called him to.

This has become my prayer. To have such a fire within my bones, a fervent desire to see the Kingdom of God come to earth, to see His glory displayed here, that I literally become weary from holding it in..so that I cannot.

xo, Aysha

{God, where are You}

As most of you may have noticed, my blog hasn't been updated in some time.

I could come up with a list of reasons; I had too much on my plate, classes were taking over, I needed time with friends.

But truthfully, this is the real reason: I couldn't find God.

I felt like God was no longer speaking to me; there was nothing being laid on my heart. All I found was silence. No huge revelation, no light bulb over my head. There was no 'still small voice.'

I'm surrounded, every day, by followers of Christ, yet I felt like I was the only one missing out on Him.

God, where are You?


I remember once in fourth grade, waiting outside on the curb after the final bell. My father was supposed to pick me and my sister up from school. Darkness would be coming soon; we still waited. Hours later, it was my mother who pulled up next to the curb, relieved to find us in the same spot that we had been for hours. In our minds, we were confident that our father would come. Somehow, we still had faith in him.

The Israelites wandered in the desert for 40 years, waiting.

The Jews waited, and are still waiting, for their Messiah.

Wrapped up in waiting is a sense of perceived abandonment, being forgotten, not feeling important enough to be remembered..we've all experienced and dealt with these kinds of feelings.

And it is during these times that God responds:

Behold, I am with you and will keep you wherever you go, and will bring you back to this land. For I will not leave you until I have done what I have promised you.

(Genesis 28:15, ESV)

Be strong and courageous. Do not fear or be in dread of them, for it is the LORD your God who goes with you. He will not leave you or forsake you.

(Deuteronomy 31:6, ESV)

That was the revelation that I was searching for, that my heart was seeking out. Sure, I've read those verses countless times, but it always seems that they take on new meaning when your heart needs to soak it in, when you're at the end of a road with no answers.

My revelation: these past two months, God has been closer than He has ever been.

He endures our struggles, our crazy schedules, our broken hearts, our times of rebellion, because He loves us.

We will not be forsaken in the wilderness, no matter how unstable and unsure things may seem. Our Messiah has come, and He is walking with us, step by step, holding us when we stumble and reassuring our hearts that we are not alone.

How badly I needed to hear these words.

I pray that they would root themselves in your heart and offer you encouragement and hope when you feel like you're walking through your wilderness, waiting. God is near, Christ is here. We will never walk alone.

Blessings,

A.

Oh, Nimrod

Genesis 10:6-14 -- The sons of Ham: Cush, Egypt, Put, and Canaan. The sons of Cush: Seba, Havilah, Sabtah, Raamah, and Sabteca. The sons of Raamah: Sheba and Dedan. Cush fathered Nimrod; he was the first on earth to be a mighty man. He was a mighty hunter before the Lord. Therefore it is said, “Like Nimrod a mighty hunter before the Lord.” The beginning of his kingdom was Babel, Erech, Accad, and Calneh, in the land of Shinar. From that land he went into Assyria and built Nineveh, Rehoboth-Ir, Calah, and Resen between Nineveh and Calah; that is the great city. Egypt fathered Ludim, Anamim, Lehabim, Naphtuhim, Pathrusim, Casluhim (from whom the Philistines came), and Caphtorim.

One of the classes that I took this past semester was Old Testament. I went into the semester worrying about how I would understand the history of Israel, and more importantly, what God would reveal to me concerning Himself. The Bible is a self-revelation of God to His creation, and the Old Testament was a way for Him to be revealed to His people, the Israelites.

In this passage from Genesis, the name Nimrod is brought to our attention.  

History Rewind: Creation had been breathed into existence and called good, but everything following the fall has been nothing but chaos, disorder, destruction, wickedness and evil. Humanity has fallen, judgment has been ordered, the earth and everything on it (excluding Noah and his family) has been erased. After 40 days and 40 nights of rainfall, Noah, his wife, their three sons (Shem, Ham and Japheth) and their wives exit the ark.

From the Biblical story, we come to learn that Ham's line becomes cursed (after looking upon his father's nakedness). Shem is blessed, and his brother Japheth will be blessed as well.

So we come upon these verses in Genesis 10.

Ham had a son: Cush. And Cush fathered a son: Nimrod.

We are told that Nimrod was a mighty hunter before the Lord, but his character wasn't that of righteousness in the sight of God.

Just as Adam and Eve had 3 sons, where Cain's heart was evil, Noah and his wife had 3 sons, where Ham's heart was also laced with evil. And through his line, the descendants that would rise up were found to be wicked in the sight of the Lord as well (such as the Philistines).

So back to Nimrod.

A mighty hunter.

But not the kind of hunter you would assume. He was a human hunter, as we find out in other Old Testament narratives. He sought power and destroyed any man that stepped into his path. God wanted humans to "be fruitful and multiply" and Nimrod wanted to contain his power to certain kingdoms, which was a direct violation of God's commands.

Nimrod was angry, but through that anger, he proved that he was also a fool. He sought revenge against God for the destruction of his forefathers and the curse placed on his grandfather's line. He ordered the building of the Tower of Babel, which was erected to either: (1) reach the heavens, (the Ancient Near Eastern people -- separate from the Israelites -- believed that the deities could be pleased) and understanding that Nimrod was not of God, then it can be understood that he most likely served other gods as well, or (2) be high enough off of the ground that, in the event another flood should come, they would be safe. In a way, the latter gives us this notion that Nimrod believed that he could personally thwart God's plans to accomplish his own.

It is in Bible passages such as this, that I am reminded that we have a choice to make. We can be found righteous in the sight of the Lord, or we can be found wicked. We can receive blessings or curses can rain down upon us. Our hearts must make a choice.

What is the state of your heart? Is it one like Nimrod's, revengeful, hateful, prideful and haughty? Or is that of Shem, or even later, David, who would find themselves in the presence of God Almighty?

Blessings,

A.