{essential to my being}

I am so very thankful for my sister.

This morning, as I sat in my bedroom, a thought crossed my mind.

I haven't spent much time with Ryann lately.

My sister is one of the most important people in my life, but I rarely go out of my way to show that to her. Today I called her and asked if she'd like to have a little lunch date with me. I drove over, picked her and my niece up, and spent the better part of the day talking, laughing, driving around and investing in each others lives.

I am so blessed to have the sister that I do.

Don't get me wrong, we've hit bumps along the road. We disagree on things that won't matter when we're fifty. We've bruised each others hearts. Words have been spoken that can never be taken back.

But at the end of the day, when all is said and done, we love each other. She is essential to my being.

We've mended each others hearts. We've carried each others burdens. Countless hours have been logged into our sister talks. Our lungs and stomachs have hurt from the amount of laughter we've sustained.

I've watched her grow into a beautiful young lady, and now, I've witnessed how far her love extends, as she nurtures her young daughter. Her potential reaches the stars and I am so excited to see where God leads her.

Today, I am thankful for my sister.

Blessings,

Be the Light They Need

Psalm 145:21 -- My mouth will speak in praise of the LORD. Let every creature praise his holy name for ever and ever.

So many amazing things have been going in my life. And none of it would be possible without God. I know I don't praise Him aloud as much as I should, but He is the constant thought in my head. Every breath. Every blink of my eye.

Psalm 30:11-12 -- You have turned my mourning into joyful dancing. You have taken away my clothes of mourning and clothed me with joy, that I might sing praises to you and not be silent. O Lord my God, I will give you thanks forever!

My Bible study has been going very well, and once again, I praise the Lord for that.

I wanted to share with you the relationship I have with my sister, Ryann.

She is STILL coming to the Bible study and I can see a change in her. She and I used to fight constantly. We would say that we wished we had other sisters. We would go weeks without talking. We would belittle each other. And I was becoming used to it. But when I started the Bible study, I asked her to come, and she did. From that moment on, I could see the life of God within her.

For the record, I want to say that I'm really proud of her. I know growing up, I didn't tell her things enough. I didn't tell her how much I loved her. I didn't tell her how thankful I was that she was my sister. I never told her that I was proud of her for the things that she accomplished. I was always coming down on her. I wanted her to be like me. I wanted her to strive to be better. And for a while, I blamed myself for her turning out the way she did, wishing that I had pushed her harder.

She hasn't always chosen the best things for her life, but she has a heart of gold. I can see the life in her, crying to be let out. Friends, life circumstances, and bad choices, are pushing her down. But, when she comes to the Bible study, she asks questions. She wants to know more. She laughs; genuinely laughs. And that sound has pierced my heart. She went for so long without laughter, being mad at the world, blaming everyone for the problems in her life.

Now I see her coming back.

And it's all thanks to God.

I've prayed and prayed for her to find her way back to Him, and I tried to push her. But I soon learned that I couldn't make someone love God. I couldn't make her want His love. So I just continued to pray. I asked her to come to the Bible study, and at first she was hesitant, but she did.

She is my best friend. And sharing God with her has really brought my own life and way of doing things into perspective. I've traded harsh words with words of comfort. I've traded judgment for acceptance. I've traded anger and hatred for love. If I can't do anything else for her, I want her to know that I will always be there to comfort her, to accept her, and to love her.

One definite change that I've seen in her, is her way of emoting. She never used to tell people how she felt, she would just explode in anger, or shut down completely. The other day, for a reason that I can't come up with, I decided to be mean to her. Then 2 days later, at the Bible study, she told me that what I did really hurt her feelings. I had been planning on apologizing, but I never got around to it; I just kept feeling badly. When she brought that to my attention, I realized that it must have really gotten to her heart, because she would never have told me something like that. She would have shut down, stopped coming to the Bible studies, and built up more anger against me.

She's started telling me about her life, and the choices that she's making. I know she still has a long way to go, but don't we all? I would never boast perfection, because then I wouldn't need God in my life, and I do. More than anything.

I can see His hand prints in my life; in the different places He is working. He is molding me and shaping me, and as a result, I'm able to share that experience with people around me. I'm praying that God is showing through me.

I want to be the light that my sister needs.

Matthew 5:14 -- You are the light of the world.

I will use the rest of my life to praise God, and to thank Him for the work that He is doing in not only my life, but the life of those around me. My sister. My mother. My grandmother. And all of you who read this blog.

I want to make a final point. This blog is not to bring glory to my own name. No. It's bringing glory to the Father. He deserves all of my praise, and more. My hope and prayer is that people will use this as a way of drawing near to Him. Find Him in every day life. In the sunset, in the stars, in the moon. In the laughter of children, in a hug, in an act of giving to someone who has less than you do. I write so that I can rationalize and make sense of my own life, but it's also a way to track my spiritual growth. Sometimes, knowing that someone else is going through the same thing you are, makes it a little easier to bear.

I can't bring the world to Jesus on my own. With His spirit working in me, I can help others to find His spirit. His words to me and for me are the product of this blog. And with Him, I can reach people that are searching for truth.

Numbers 11:17 -- I will come down and speak with you there, and I will take of the Spirit that is on you and put the Spirit on them. They will help you carry the burden of the people so that you will not have to carry it alone.

Blessings,

A.

Someone to Believe in You

This morning, I had bible study. Good news? I finally got my sister to come. She's not as strong in her faith as I am, and I'm not even sure if she knows what she believes.

It took somewhat of a bribe to get her there, but I'm glad she came. All I wanted was for her to try it. At least once. I'm not sure if she enjoyed it at all, but getting her to come is the first step. I don't think she really knows that much about God, and it's not fair to her if she never gets the chance to learn..

When we got there, we tried to figure out what to talk about. We decided on "Who is Jesus, and what did He do?" My sister's answer was that she didn't know, and Briana gave her answer. I didn't think it was a hard question, but I guess for my sister, it was.

Anyway, I have this book called He Chose the Nails by Max Lucado (I have a few by him), and it's got some really great stuff in there. It's all about who Jesus is, and what His crucifixion meant for us. We are preparing ourselves for Easter, and I thought this would be a great place to start :) I feel like knowing who Christ is will give us a better chance at understanding the amazing sacrifice He gave.

On the way back home from the bible study, I was talking to my sister about her faith. She gave every excuse as to why she's either not a bad person, or she tried to defend what little faith she has. I was trying to explain to her that the lifestyle that she is living isn't what God wants for us. Yes, He gave us life, and He gave us free will, but not choosing Him has deathly consequences. While I was talking, she became quiet. I told her that I couldn't save her, and that nothing in our lives are as important as God is.

When we pulled in front of the apartments, she remained in the car.

I started to cry as I said: I don't want to have to stand next to you in front of God, and listen to Him tell you that you have to go the other way, because you thought that your life was more important.

I didn't know if she said it, but the next thing I heard was: Are you sad?

And then she got out of the car, and went inside. She never looked back...

For the first time in I don't know how long, my sister had nothing to say. I know that I can't save her, or change her mind; only God can do that. But I can pray...

But I will not give up on her.

I won't.

Blessings,

A.