Psalm 130:5 — I wait for the LORD, my soul waits, and in his word I put my hope.It’s been an intense few days.
I came to Cornerstone University, this fall, thinking that everything would be great, because it’s a Christian college with a desire to see God in the lives of their students. Boy was I wrong! That’s not to say that this isn’t a great academic school, because it is. But there are so many different opposing views, ideas, worldviews, and such.
On Thursday of this past week, everything kind of fell through. I suddenly became depressed and didn’t know why. It wasn’t until Saturday that I finally figured things out.
My life has always been under the shadow of God…I grew up in church, had great mentors, etc. but as I got older, this wasn’t enough. I know that we all come to a point when we choose what we believe, and then use that belief to determine how we will live our lives, but that is much harder said than done. Coming to Cornerstone, I found that not only are my views challenged, but they are also refuted. Some people here came from an Atheistic worldview…others came from well-supported Christian homes. My realization has been that although none of us are perfect, many of the people are under the assumption that because they are at a Christian school, that their views are superior to others.
My heart became broken.
I didn’t know what I believed anymore. Learning different worldviews in Philosophy and discovering what other people believe, made me question my own beliefs.
- If God is who He says He is, and can do all things, then why let His world suffer the way that He has?
- How much longer are we going to be left to suffer?
- What if God and the Bible are created ideas by humanity, that help us to explain the reality that we live in?
I’m so quick to believe. But why? Why do I believe what I do? Is it because I was once taught to believe that way? Or is it because I truly feel God working in my life?
I’ve heard that we finally come face-to-face with our faith when we are under trials, persecution, tribulation, etc. and that is so very true. My faith was under attack. But not by an outside force. It was under attack by my own mind. I was actually going to talk myself into why it’s easier and more logical not to believe that a God created all of this, and somehow has a hand in all of it.
I’m writing a book, based on my faith. I talk about God and Christ more than anything else. I blog about why it’s important to receive salvation and I try to fix other people’s problems, but I never really evaluated my own life. I took what I had, and left it at that.
But not anymore.
I believe in God because there is no other rational explanation for the ways of the world.
I believe that Christ came and endured this mundane human existence, so that I could one day walk in white beside Him.
I believe that the Holy Spirit is alive and working within me, no matter how abstract the idea may seem.
I have come to terms with the idea of suffering. Although I have yet to experience much of it, my heart has endured a great deal.
I believe that God the Father, God the Son and God the Holy Spirit exist, as one, just as I believe in the wind, in gravity, in love, etc. Just because things can’t be seen, doesn’t negate the fact that they exist. We believe in these kinds of things because we experience them, and that is the way that I feel with God. When certain things have happened in my life, I have felt an actual tightening of my heart, tears have been brought to my eyes, for no other reason, than I feel God working in my heart.
This revelation has refreshed me and allowed me to look at life with a new perspective. I know that I have a long, tiring way to go, but I also know that God is with me, and that He will never allow me to take on more than I can handle.
After this experience these past few days, and knowing how lost and alone I felt, I can only imagine how those people feel without God in their lives. I may go through uncertain times, but I have a certainty to put my hope in. I may feel weary and burdened, but I have a Savior that says, “My child, I will take your burdens upon myself; I will carry you.”
Matthew 11:28-30 — Then Jesus said, “Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you. Let me teach you, because I am humble and gentle at heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy to bear, and the burden I give you is light.”My hope shall ever remain in my Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ.